i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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