my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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