I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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