So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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