He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
