he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
