also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
