I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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