I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
