I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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