So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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