have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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