She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
