i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
