My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
