my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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