I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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