I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
