During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
