And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
