How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
