Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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