I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
