i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
