Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
