it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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