Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
