She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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