the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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