He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I AM VODKA MAN
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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