11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
