so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my shit smells like andre
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
