i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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