is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
