Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize