When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize