Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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