non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
