You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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