No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
