There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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