mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
