we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her vagine was all disorganized.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
