I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
