does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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