So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
either way he was missing a nipple.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
