I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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