so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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