When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
