Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
