I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
