so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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