he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My ass is underappreciated
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
