i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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