I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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