Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
