somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
