hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
