K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
