You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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