We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
