Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
