You're completely useless in the revolution.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Duck Duck Cougar?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize