Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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