How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
